Can’t find a roasting tray? Roast your Boxing Day ham in a spaceship to make yourself look like you really don’t know what you are doing in the kitchen!

This post is less of a Rubbish Mum Tip and more of a Rubbish Adult tip. Don’t let everyone roll their eyes at your “New Year, new me” bullshit again this year and start your New Year resolution in the week before New Year. Then you can convince yourself that you are actually going to go through with it this year. The reason I started this blog was because I was sick of seeing all these perfect Instagram and Facebook posts of people with their perfect lives, perfect homes and perfect kids. We all do it, I did it myself. One day I took a photo of my two kids together and it was lovely – a perfect sibling photo where they were happy and playing nice together. The reality was that it was the first two minutes in the whole day they hadn’t been at each others throats. That was when I realised how fake I was being. I thought to myself, wouldn’t it be fun just to be honest and admit the realness of the other 23 and a half hours of the day when my kids are like wild animals and my life was a shambles. And so a blog was born.

I’m going to be honest, I’m super lazy so my resolution is only to make MINOR improvements on myself. I am 34 years old, married with two kids and I still feel like my life is a total riot. My main improvement is going to be how I look and feel. My goal is to get fitter and take better care of my health and skin. Well, to actually have a skincare routine. My current skincare “routine” is to routinely forget to take my makeup off before I go to bed. I want to genuinely cleanse, tone and moisturise and not blatantly lie when people ask me if I already do this. One of the strings to my bow is that I am a trained Beauty Therapist but it doesn’t take any training to realise that if your skin feels a bit dry, you need to moisturise. It just takes, you know, a normal thought process and common sense. There have even been times that I have fallen asleep with my makeup on, woke up and thought – hmm this doesn’t look too bad and just touched it up! I’m a disgrace I know. I have insane dark circles under my eyes and don’t own an eye cream of any sort. Don’t even talk to me about wrinkles, I have a deep “V” on my forehead from constantly scowling. I am the epitome of resting bitch face.

My haircare routine is just as bad. When I’m in the city once or twice a year, i’ll get a haircut. I dye my hair myself using box dyes and have only recently started using a deep conditioning treatment because its so frazzled. I constantly wear my hair in a messy bun which is now becoming more mess than bun. I’m not going to change, I’m too cheap to pay someone to dye my hair and have only stopped cutting it myself in the last 3 years. That’s enough self improvement in that department for me.

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m never going to be glamourous and I’m well past the point of being considered “sexy”. The only person who will ever think I’m sexy is my husband and that’s only because he is married and a father and his standards have taken a nosedive. He was by my side while I was giving birth, which wasn’t pretty I assure you, and now he’s convinced himself I look “sexy” if I just brush my hair and I don’t have baby boogers smeared down my top.

So for this week and the weeks following in the next year, I’m going to be working on myself, sorting this shit bomb out. Lets not go crazy though, I’m still going to be less Victoria’s Secret supermodel and more just trying not to look like a homeless drug addict.

Happy week before New Year everyone!